While you’re worried about coming up with something to say next or wondering how you came off after your last comment, it’s likely that the girl you’re talking to is wondering the same thing about herself. Instead of being so worried about sounding smart, funny, or interesting, work on making the girl you’re talking to feel comfortable. It’s likely that she has the same worries as you do, and if you focus on making her comfortable, then you won’t be so worried about yourself.
Okay, so you and your best friends may have some inside jokes or a funny way of talking that may confuse a new girl you talk to. However, you can still talk about some of the same things and take a similar approach, working on having an interesting conversation instead of worrying about not having anything to talk about. Remember that, even when you talk to one of your friends, you may run out of things to talk about or repeat yourself or stumble on your words from time to time. It’s no big deal if that happens when you’re talking to a girl, either.
If you’re too hung up on every word you say, then you’ll be much more likely to lapse into silence or to stumble on your words. Just keep talking and don’t overthink it and you’ll be much more impressive than if you say almost nothing for five minutes and then tell the perfect joke.
You can talk about what you did over the weekend, an awesome movie you both saw, your favorite band, what she did over the summer, or a class you both have together. You can also talk about a mutual friend, your plans for the evening, or something you just saw on the news. Remember that it takes two people to have a conversation. Even if you can’t think of another topic, the girl can think of things, too. You’re not doing a comedy routine. Try to find something that you have in common to talk about so you can both get involved in the conversation. [4] X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
While you may not be as goofy as you are with your close friends right away, you don’t need to put up a fake persona of the guy you think the girl would rather talk to. If she’s standing in front of you having a conversation with you, then she wants to see and know who you really are.
If you really are skilled or talented in some way, the girl will realize it if you spend enough time together. In the beginning, though, you can let her figure it out instead of talking about how great you are. Girls like guys who project confidence, but not arrogance. You want to show that you’re happy with who you are without acting like you’re the greatest guy on the planet.
Count to thirty in your head before you approach the girl. This can help you feel more at ease. Focus on your breathing. Work on breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose ten times, and you’ll start to feel more relaxed. If you have a stress ball or something you can squeeze in your pocket, this can help you ease some of the tension. This can also help you avoid fidgeting and will make you look less nervous. Make eye contact with the girl. If you look at the floor or look around you, this may actually end up making you look and feel more nervous.
Simple compliments show a girl that you’re paying attention and that you care. You don’t have to start off with a compliment, but you can give the girl one if the conversation is lagging. Use compliments minimally since they might not seem genuine if you don’t mean what you say. [10] X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
Her hobbies and interests Her favorite bands, TV shows, movies, or actors Her favorite foods Her favorite places to go in town Her friends Her siblings Her pets Her weekend plans
If you start to feel shy when you talk about more personal topics, just make sure you stick to the topics you know and feel the most comfortable talking about, whether it’s sports or your dog, as long as they are interesting to her. If the girl asks you a question, try not to give her a “yes” or “no” answer but spend more time explaining what you mean, so she feels like you want to talk to her. Even if you’re feeling shy, just elaborating a bit can make the conversation flow better, and it will actually make you feel less shy.
While you don’t want to come off as insecure or put yourself down, it’s okay to laugh at yourself when you realize you’ve repeated yourself or droned on and on. For example, if you realize you’ve gotten so nervous that you’ve been talking about the Lakers for the last ten minutes, it’s okay to laugh and say, “Well, I think you know everything there is to know about the Lakers now, don’t you?” If you trip or misspeak, don’t act like it didn’t happen; just say, “There I go again” and move on. The girl will like you more for being comfortable enough to acknowledge what happened.
It’s okay to break eye contact every once in a while if you’re feeling shy. Just make sure you don’t stare at the ground the whole time. Turning your body toward the girl and smiling shows that you’re approachable and excited about talking to her. Though you may feel shy about just talking to the girl, don’t use your cell phone as a crutch. Put it away and give her the attention she deserves.
If you wait until you’ve both run out of things to say and then say goodbye just because you’re out of ideas, this will make for a more awkward ending than if you leave just after you are both laughing and having an amazing time together. Make sure you’re not rude or abrupt when you say goodbye and that you make it clear that you’re looking forward to talking to the girl again.
The best thing you can do is to be comfortable with it instead of struggling to say something too soon. You don’t have to say “Well, this is awkward,” or make it even worse. Just let it flow. Remember that, if there’s a silence, then the girl will be looking for something to say, too. You won’t be all alone with it.
Work on accepting the things you can’t change about yourself. Admit what the flaws that you can change are, and spend more time addressing them. Spend more time doing something you’re good at or developing a new skill, whether it’s in writing, running, or photography. Hang out with people who make you feel better, not worse, about yourself. Take care of your appearance. Though you don’t have to look like a model, showering regularly and wearing clean, well-fitting clothes can improve your self-image.
Talking to new people will help you read people on an individual basis and to get a better sense about finding topics that appeal to every person. It can also help you learn different conversational rhythms and to be okay with the fact that new conversations can be a little awkward, at first. Talking to new people and being comfortable with opening up can also boost your confidence. You’ll feel better about yourself if you see that you can appeal to more people than the usual few people in your social circle.
If you’re used to being socially active in a variety of situations, you’ll slowly learn to talk to girls, even the most beautiful girls, just like they’re ordinary people. This will happen without you even thinking about it. The more people you know, the more social skills you’ll gain. If you only talk to the same three friends, then yeah, it’ll be a lot harder for you to feel less shy around girls.
If you spend too much time thinking about your next conversation with the girl or wondering where it all will lead, then you’ll be much more likely to miss out on the present moment. Treat the girl you’re talking to like a human being, not a goddess. This will make you feel more okay with not being perfect yourself.
If you really listen to what she’s saying, then you can follow up about what she told you about the next time she sees you. If you remember that she had a piano recital that weekend or that her cousins were visiting, then she’ll be really impressed. A lot of people tend to wait until their turn to speak instead of really listening. Stop worrying about what you’re going to say and hear the girl out instead.
When you talk to girls, try to make is so that you and the girl do about half of the talking each; though one of you can talk a bit more, you don’t want to dominate the conversation completely or make her feel like she has to do all the talking, either.
