Write down all of the things you love about yourself. Take the time to acknowledge what an amazing person you are. Work on accepting the flaws you can’t change. You’ll never be truly confident if you’re not able to accept some of the things you can’t change about yourself, whether it’s your voice or your height. Spend more time doing things you’re good at. You’ll be much more confident if you spend more time doing the things that make you feel like you’re skilled and talented. [4] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021. Spend time volunteering. Seeing that you have something to offer to the world will make you feel like you’re a worthy person. Take care of yourself. Making an effort to exercise, eat well, shower regularly, and wear well-fitting clothes can make you feel better about who you are. Fake it until you make it. Having good posture, smiling, avoiding slouching or fidgeting too much, and keeping your body “open” when you talk to others can all make you project more confidence than you may feel.
You are your own worst enemy when it comes to caring about what other people think or say about you. You have the power to decide how much or how little it’s going to matter to you. Instead, focus on thinking about the things you’re good at, exciting future plans, or about the people who do make you feel good. You may sometimes feel like there’s no one in your life giving you positive reinforcement, but if you think about it more, you should be able to think of someone, whether it’s a teacher, a neighbor, or a classmate. Step back, breathe, and understand that the negative images you have of yourself are irrational![7] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.
Keep writing for at least 15 minutes until you’ve filled the page. You’ll see that you have more to be happy about than you think. Review this list and add to it at least once a week. You can even tape it above your desk or keep it in your wallet. Having a list of all of the good things in your life can remind you that you shouldn’t spend so much time worrying about the negativity out there. If the list doesn’t do enough for you, you can also spend more time expressing gratitude. Telling your friends, family members, and the other people in your life how much they mean to you can show you that you should focus on the good things people do for you, not the bad things that some people think.
Even if you feel like you’re forcing yourself to talk about positive things when you don’t feel very uplifted, this can help you change your perspective to focus more on all of the good things going on for you. Make an effort to smile more. Even if you’re just smiling at strangers, this can have the effect of making both them and you happier. Learn to live in the present a bit more. If you spend too much time worrying about mistakes you’ve made in the past or dreading the future, then you won’t be able to enjoy all of the beautiful things right before your eyes.
These people have low self-esteem and are mean-spirited, and you’re better than that. Instead of hating them back, if you learn to just pity them and keep your distance, it can make you feel like you have the upper hand. You don’t have to tell them that you feel sorry for them. It’s enough to know this for yourself.
This means that, whether you wear a new outfit, get a new haircut, say something outspoken in class, or just do your own thing, most people rarely give it much of a thought. Think about it: you’re too busy being worried about what people think of you to consider what other people are wearing or saying, right?
Someone will always have a negative reaction to what you do, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make decisions or spend so much time pleasing everybody without having time to discover who you really are. In the end, you have to only care about pleasing yourself. If your ideas of what’s the best course of action align with those of your parents or classmates, then great, but that shouldn’t be your goal.
Think about it: is there someone in your social circle who almost never gives you positive reinforcement and who is always bringing you down? Even if this person is an old friend, you should think about whether or not it’s worth it to save the relationship. Of course, sometimes you’re stuck spending time with people who bring you down, whether it’s at a family party or in your chemistry class. Just try to create as much distance between you and the bothersome person as possible and focus on the people in the room that you actually like.
The more time you spend doing the things you love, the less time you’ll spend worrying about the haters. If you’re too busy doing something that puts a smile on your face, you won’t have time to stop and worry about what other people think of you. Plus, if you take classes or make another effort to do the things you love, you’re more likely to find more people who share your interests. This support network can help you feel less alone.
Not only will setting goals and achieving them make you feel better about yourself, but it will also take your mind off of the haters. If you’re too busy trying to achieve success, you won’t have time to sit around thinking about other people. Setting many mini-goals along the way will make you feel even more confident and accomplished throughout the process.
Instead, take comfort in the fact that you’re taking the high road, and that you’re better than the people who don’t wish you well.
Though it’s not always easy to control your emotions, if you’re feeling really upset, you can at least try to excuse yourself and find a place to calm down in private. If people see that nothing they say will get a rise out of you, they’re much likely to back down than they would if they saw that you got easily upset any time they said a bad word about you. You can privately talk to a friend about how upset you are or write about it in a journal, but try to stay as calm and indifferent in public as you can.
Plus, if you have a reputation for being assertive and saying what’s on your mind, then people will be less likely to gossip or talk about you because they’ll see that you’re comfortable with who you are. If other people have differing ideas, then you should listen to them respectfully and see if you have anything to learn from them. But you shouldn’t immediately change your mind or backtrack just to please other people.
Though you don’t have to be alone all the time, being comfortable on your own instead of always looking for people to hang out with will make you more confident in who you are and less likely to let people get you down. Find hobbies that you like doing on your own, whether it’s yoga, writing poetry, watching classic movies, or running.
When a negative image or thought about yourself pops up, pretend you’re “the boss” of the image, and tell it to back off. [21] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021. Gain the confidence you need to assert yourself and to know when there’s no need for you to apologize for your behavior. This is a sign of strength and if you make a habit of sticking to your guns, then people will respect you more for it. If someone is blaming you for something that was clearly not your fault, you can say something like, “I’m sorry that you feel…” but don’t give in and apologize just because you think that’ll make things easier.
