The first step in AA or any recovery program is to admit that you are powerless over whatever your problem is. [1] X Research source You have to come to see that in your own strength, you can’t do anything to solve your problem or overcome your addiction. It is not until you are able to admit this that you will be willing to get help from God and others. You have to be humble and see that you can’t overcome your sin alone. The Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” but you have to ask Christ for that strength. If you think you can go it alone, God won’t help you, because he does not force his help on us. Jesus said, “You have not because you ask not. " You have to ask for God’s help to get it.
In Mark 11:23 Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. " [3] X Research source This is how you need to pray, with faith, believing that God will help you in what you are asking for his help. If you believe that God will help you overcome your addiction, He will. But you have to believe. Also, the mountain Jesus is referring to is our problems. It is whatever seems to be a mountain in our own lives. That is what we need to have faith that we can overcome, with God’s help. Jesus said, “According to your faith, it will be done to you. " How much you will be able to overcome anything will depend on how much faith you have that you can overcome it, and that God will help you overcome it.
This doesn’t have to be someone you know. You can pay a counselor, preferably a Christian counselor, who is paid to keep things confidential. Talking with a trusted professional, like a counselor or a therapist, is one of the best things you can do once you admit having a problem. Also, most churches have free lay counseling that you can get. You just need to tell someone. As long as your addiction stays secret and in the dark, it will grow. When we bring sin into the light, only then can it get better.
You can’t overcome any addiction alone. You need people to hold you accountable to your desired recovery. You need people that will ask you the tough questions. [4] X Research source Ask someone to be your accountability partner, and ask them to text you every day, or as often as you need them to, and ask you how you are doing in regards to your problem. If you have to “report” to someone else, in a sense, it will make you a lot less likely to do the wrong thing. And be honest with your accountability partner. Make sure you find someone that you can be totally honest with, whoever that may be.
Here are some questions to ask yourself and possibly journal about: How has looking at pornography affect my relationship with God? How has it affected my relationship with my spouse (or partner)? How has it affected my relationship with my friends? How has it affected my job?[5] X Research source
Forgive your partner for anything in the past and make plans that both of you will strive for a better relationship in the future. Watch marriage videos online; go to marriage seminars, etc. Get an older Christian couple to mentor you two, and tell you their stories in general terms, and how they learned things the hard way. Don’t give graphic or sensuous details about your addiction. Go to marriage counseling. Talk to your pastor, etc.
Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. “[6] X Research source One of those commandments was to never look lustfully at another person, unless it is your spouse. Do you want to honor God with your life? These are all things you need to honestly ask yourself. See where you stand with God. Paul said, “If any man thinks he stand, take heed, lest he fall. “[7] X Research source That means that you may think you are standing firm in the faith, but you need to not get too arrogant. It’s possible that you think you are saved, when you are really not. Jesus said, “Many will say to me in that day ‘Lord, Lord, did we not. . . . ’ I will say ‘depart from me. I never knew you. ’ “[8] X Research source He said “many” will say that. Not just some, but many. So “test yourself and see” whether you are really in the faith or not.
You might want to wait until you have been “clean” for many months or a year, for example, to tell them. They may need to see that you really are better first, if they are going to stick around. Marriages can be restored and healed after such things, but it is very, very hard. Once trust is broken, it is extremely hard to get it back.
