Strong, out of proportion fear to being alone or the anticipation of being alone Immediate anxiety response upon being or anticipating being alone, which may take the form of a panic attack Personal recognition that the fear is disproportionate to the dangers of being alone Avoidance of being alone or solitude is endured with intense anxiety or distress Avoidance, anxious anticipation or distress of being alone interferes significantly with your normal routine, work (or academic) functioning, or socializing and relationships Distress about autophobia itself
Thinking about the messages you give yourself while you are alone is a worthwhile project. Doing so will allow you to see over and above the more superficial reasons why you think you do not like to be alone.
How long has this fear been with you? What was going on when it started? How has it changed since then?
Try to be realistic about what others need from you by reflecting on their capability to provide for and take care of themselves. You can also think about others who are around to support them, or perhaps the fact that they were doing fine before you met. This tendency to give others the depth of love and attention that you want for yourself is problematic. This might be one way that you are robbed of the solitude needed to develop your own values and unique personality. In fact, this tendency ironically stops you from being able to direct focus outward onto others in a meaningful way. [4] X Research source
Think about why you want to conquer your fear of being alone—like you’re thinking of breaking up with your partner. This can help you determine what your goals should be. [5] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021. Make exposure gradual and take into consideration how bad your fear is. This process takes time and should not be rushed. Plan to be alone for short spurts. Little by little, you will want to plan increased amounts of time alone until you don’t feel overcome with panic. Try making an exposure hierarchy in which you rank feared situations on a scale of 0-100 according to how afraid you anticipate being when exposed to it. [6] X Research source For example, you may rank spending an hour alone at home at 100, but going to a movie alone a 70. By ranking you can work up to overcoming gradually greater fears only once fear subsides for the less threatening fears.
Don’t become overly preoccupied with how panicked you feel and how stressed your body becomes. Because you are purposely exposing yourself to something you fear, shallow breathing, increased heart rate, and other physical symptoms of anxiety are normal. The longer the alone time, the greater the anxiety you will feel. But, with exposure, anxiety is expected and will dissipate with time. Gently push your limits until you are happy with how much alone time you can handle. Imagine you are going swimming–dipping your toes in the water can be exciting, but it won’t adjust you to the temperature of the water. Another option is FearFighter, a computerized program of self-help methods that treat phobias. [8] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source It is endorsed by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) and proven effective.
Remember, the less often you use your crutch, the more intensive the exposure sessions will be.
Note trends in the sessions when anxiety seems especially high or low. Do you see any other factors that affect your fear, like the weather, or who you spent time with earlier in the day? You can also use the journal to write encouraging thoughts, difficulties, and anything else that “comes up” related to the fear. This will help you know yourself and your underlying patterns better.
Explain how much you cherish the relationship, and that spending more time alone will actually nurture your ability to connect rather than sabotage it. Express gratitude for their understanding that you need to work on you first. Remember, humans evolved to be social, so in general, it’s healthy to be comforted by being around other people. [11] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.
What is it that you need from time alone? Everyone needs time to reflect, embrace self-understanding, and grow from within. Consider how much you learn about yourself when making decisions that don’t need to be negotiated with anyone else. Do you already have a passion that can only be fostered when you have time alone to express yourself, work out the kinks of what you do, and create to the best of your ability? Consider solitude a gift that you are giving yourself to get your passion going.
Other relaxation and stress-relieving techniques will do wonders for your ability to cope. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Getting exercise, especially cardiovascular activities, like running and swimming will release endorphins and other chemicals that boost mood. Meditation, yoga, and intentional breathing are more relaxed ways to reduce anxiety and help control impulses to act out of neediness.
A therapist can help you explore what being alone means to you and why you feel more comfortable with other people. [16] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021. Group support can also help autophobia. [17] X Research source Meeting with others who share similar struggles can be an important source of solace and support. Knowing that you are not alone in not wanting to be alone is eye-opening and provides opportunities to share practical advice.
