Take a head-on approach to your negative feelings. Rather than regarding them as inevitable and natural, seek ways to change them into helpful attitudes, ones that will support you rather than cause you to feel powerless and helpless. Be fully aware that negative emotions keep you connected to the loss, while a positive attitude allows you to let go of the person while still acknowledging that you once had a relationship with this person without causing you to feel upset. [2] X Research source Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness, pp. 209-210, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X Be kind to yourself. Do you really need to put yourself through this? No![3] X Research source
Bear in mind that dissecting the nitty gritty of what could or should have been is living in the past by letting nostalgia trap you into a past period of life. Although often stated, the apt adage “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” is as equally often overlooked; yet, it is far healthier to appreciate that you once loved this person but that now it is time to move on. It is possible to cherish the experience for what it was without letting it drag you back all the time. [5] X Research source And if you really can’t stop wondering, at its most basic, jealousy is about wanting something you feel you don’t have. The only lesson for you to take away from this is to answer for yourself what it is that’s missing inside of you and to remedy it by concentrating more on personal growth (see steps below). Think of it this way – even if you did get X person back, would this deep gnawing gap inside be filled? No – because no person can fill an internal dissatisfaction; only you have that power.
Listen to your friends and family. It is possible that they have a sound perspective of the situation as it has developed and can provide you with solid advice for coping with it. Don’t automatically assume that they’ll say anything just to make you feel better; look for the gems of truth. [7] X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
Have quick exit excuses already planned, such as: “It’s great to see you Bob/Jane. I’m sorry I can’t stay and chat, I’ve got a hair appointment I’m already late for. “; or “Great to see you Bob/Jane! Wish I could talk but I’ve got to collect my boss from the airport and the traffic’s bad. “; or, simply: “Hi Bob/Jane. It’s good to see you looking so well. I’ll see you around!” You don’t need to offer an explanation unless you want to, but try your best not to give away your feelings through facial expressions or by brushing them off rudely.
