Often, what you’re jealous of points to something that makes you unhappy about yourself. For example, if you’re jealous of someone’s hair, it might mean you’re unhappy with or ashamed about the way your own hair looks. Once you have figured out what specifically you are jealous of, you can begin to work on yourself to overcome that jealousy.
For example, if you’re jealous of someone complimenting your friend, remind yourself that just because your friend got a compliment, it doesn’t mean they’re better than you, or that the two of you are competing. It just means that someone said something nice about them!
Take a break from social media until your self-esteem is better. Social media gives you a false impression of other people’s lives, but they struggle just as much as you do; they’re just not usually posting those struggles to social media. Make a list of your own successes, goals, and how far you’ve come. This will help focus your energy into a productive mindset that will let you think about yourself rather than other people.
For example, a past loved one may have hurt you somehow, and now you expect the same behavior from your current loved ones. Recognize that each person is different, and it’s unfair to think less of yourself or someone else just because of what another person did in the past. Keep a journal of your thoughts as you consider why and how you might feel things. This is a good way to externalize your feelings and get a better idea of exactly what you feel. Talk to someone you trust, like a guardian or a friend who isn’t involved. Often, having an outside perspective helps to sort out your feelings.
For example, perhaps you’re lonely and want to make more friends, but you’re not very social. Practice being outgoing and friendly toward strangers and eventually you’ll have become a more confident, assured person. Keep a positive mindset while identifying areas in which you are insecure. Remind yourself of things you do feel confident in or like about yourself.
Recognize your strengths. Do you excel at sports? Are you a good listener or a trusted confidant? Write down a list of your best qualities and reread it any time you doubt yourself. [9] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. Strike up a conversation with someone new to build your experience and confidence. [10] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. Talking with new people can remind you that we’re all different and unique, and we don’t need to be envious of each other. Work on your weak spots. Perhaps you are terrible at bowling and your best friend is a good bowler. You can improve your bowling through practice, and feel good about your growth, instead of feeling bad about how good they are already.
Ask yourself what you are feeling and if you want to feel this way. Sit on the floor in a quiet room and pay close attention to each part of your body separately, starting with your feet and working your way up to your head. [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source This can help calm you down and reorient you on what’s important. Practice daily affirmations. [13] X Research source Remind yourself that you are capable and deserving of giving and receiving love and respect. Post them somewhere visible, such as on your mirror or computer monitor, and say them out loud each day.
For example, you might tell your best friend that you are jealous of her hair—ask her if she would be okay with you getting the same haircut, or even to recommend a salon. Turn this into a bonding moment that could strengthen your friendship. Acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that you are in control of them. “Can I talk to you? I think I’m feeling a little jealous and could use a little help. ” “Can you help me draw as well as you do? I just love how skilled you are, and I want to be the same!”
What makes you best friends in the first place? Think about your favorite memories together. Understand that your jealousy could harm your friendship if you don’t address it. Make sure that you are not feeling jealous because your friend makes you feel inferior to them. If this is the case, then this may not be a good friendship.
Instead of saying, “Your hair makes me so jealous!” try, “I feel jealous of your hair. You’ve got a great cut. ” In this way, you’re using “I” statements, rather than “you” statements to talk about your jealousy. Also own where your jealousy could be coming from, such as a history of being bullied, an abusive relationship, etc.
Try to sympathize with them: has their life been difficult lately? Do you have something they’ve wanted for a long time? Even if it’s not your fault they feel jealous, you can still acknowledge the situation. Also consider your own behavior. Have you been bragging or gloating recently? You don’t need to feel ashamed of your accomplishments, but you shouldn’t show off too much.
Avoid initiating a conversation about their jealousy, since this might irritate or offend them. Instead, just ask them if something’s been bothering them recently, and let them know you’re always available to talk it out.
When setting boundaries, tell your friend that you appreciate them, even if you think your friendship needs to change a little. Let them know that it’s not their fault, you just need a little space to think. Reconsider your friendship if they continue to hurt you. It may be time to move on and find new friends.
