Embody the traits you wish to cultivate in your child: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance, and many more. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you. [2] X Research source If you’d like your kids to unplug from their electronics, set a good example by getting off your own devices. [3] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021. Children also look for role models at school, among their friends, and in the media. Some of these things you can control, others, you cannot. Know that, though your child may have multiple role models, you have a unique privilege in that you are a near-constant presence in his or her life. Make the most of this privilege.
When you spend quality time with your child, show them they’re important by being fully present in the moment. Put your phone on silent, and turn off other screens, such as the TV or computer. Give your child your full attention. With so many demands on your time, it’s often difficult for parents and children to get together for a family meal, let alone spend some quality time together. Children who are not getting the attention they want from their parents can act out or misbehave because, to them, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Many parents find it mutually rewarding to pre-schedule time with their child on a regular basis. Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your child help decide how you will spend your time. Look for other ways to connect with your child, as well. For example, put a note or something special in their lunch box, for instance. At dinnertime, you might ask them to share something they learned during the school day. [6] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021.
It bears mentioning that, even in the best cases, from time to time, your child will flat-out disagree with you about certain rules and decisions. Don’t back down - you have an obligation to explain and discuss your rules, but not to acquiesce. When talking with your child, get down on their eye level. This shows them that you respect them, which supports their respect for you.
As your child ages, they change. Over time, you will have to change your parenting style - sometimes gradually, sometimes abruptly. Be ready and willing to face this change - just because your child isn’t always a cute little baby doesn’t mean they are less deserving of love and respect.
Try to make parenting a manageable job. [11] X Research source Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Recognize when you’re burned out. Hire a babysitter and take time out from parenting to do things that will ensure your happiness as a person (or as a couple). Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means that you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children. Be open with your co-parent about your limitations. Talk to them about what you feel you do best and create the best parenting balance between the both of you. By maintaining open, honest communication, you can both parent at your best. [12] X Research source
Schedule equal amounts of one-on-one time with each of your children. Make sure they each get special time with you. Never arbitrarily give one child more gifts, affection, or punishments than another. Children will pick up on your prejudices very quickly and may grow to resent you, or, worse, the “favorite” child.
When you have to confront your child about a mistake, avoid excessive blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when you are disciplining your child. Use every mistake as an opportunity to teach your child something new. [17] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021. Make sure they know that, although you want and expect better, your love is available no matter what.
Be fair, but consistent. Don’t cave to your children just because they’re cute or throwing a fit. Doing so teaches them that they can misbehave without consequences. In fact, it’s important to make sure to punish children when they make a scene, simply to demonstrate that it won’t get them what they want.
Be generous with rewards, but don’t spoil your child - your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough.
Basically, you need to help your child learn that, to get the things they want, they need to put in effort. For instance, to get an allowance, they need to complete chores, to get a new toy, they need to do well at school, and so on.
However, never do hard things for your child. Children must learn the value of perseverance, which is nearly impossible for them to do if their parent is willing to, for instance, do their homework for them. [23] X Research source Make a personal rule to never put more effort into a project or assignment than your child does.
In the event that you and your partner disagree about an issue, resolve your tensions in private before discussing the issue with your child. If you are a single parent, you’ll be the sole source of authority for your child, so it’s extra import to be consistent with your rules and punishments. Stick with the punishments you set, and never let your child see you as a pushover.
To this end, try to give your child the opportunity to excel in their talents. If they have a talent for music, help purchase an instrument, for example. If they are good at sports, let them try out for whatever teams they want. Every child deserves the chance to be good at something.
Use your words and actions to teach your child that proper behavior and achievement are sources of good, positive feelings.
This doesn’t have to mean giving extravagant gifts - simple gestures are better than the most expensive toys. Adults are busy people. From time to time, it’s inevitable that you’ll miss one of your child’s concerts, recitals, games, plays, etc. As long as you express your sincere regret to your child and put in a genuine effort to make it next time, you’re still demonstrating your love for your child.
Mostly, this depends on your being present in your child’s life and being emotionally available to them. If you make sure to spend time with your child and communicate openly with them, your child’s love for you will naturally mature. They will learn to support you when you’re feeling down and to give your love back when you need it. Parenting a child is the most serious investment you’ll ever make, but, because of your child’s ability to love, it’s also the most rewarding.
